Into Me I See

Cynical calculation
which negates an
authentic voice
is among the worst
and most common
evils to be found,
and I am constantly
butting up against it.

No matter. I have
distractions, I am
able to reason for
myself, and find
worth where others
wag their dogs.

And I can create
my own trouble as
well, when I find
things that only
exaggerate my
suffering, music,
television, film,
these expressions
that connect me
to the outside
world, and further
delude me to think
I have some chance.

I am sorry, Sadie,
for the things I
have put you through,
whether you quite
realized them or not,
because I have always
known what the result
must be. I experience
these entertainments
and they convince me
that I could have some
part, but I know my role
and you, Sadie, were
cast for something else.
You were, if it must
sound inelegant, the latest
confirmation, is all.

This book, too, must close,
as must always be its fate,
and I for one believe
in happy endings.