Suicide (Now You'll Know)

People, generally speaking,
are pretty shocked when
a suicide happens.
Taking this from the perspective
of a long-term case
(and refusing to believe
that most are anything but)
they really shouldn't be.

This is a note to document
a point in my journey,
because I have become
more convinced than ever
that it is inevitable.
You see, one of the underlining
causes is that nobody cares.

Nobody cares,
if you will indulge repetition.

How can no one notice
when someone in their midst
is miserable? Because
they simply don't care,
and they'll be the same ones
to be shocked when it happens.
They even know some of the
most extreme moments of the misery,
and they don't care, they know
some of the main reasons
and they don't care.

Would you really be so surprised?

Most cases, I would wager
may share a superficial similarity
but they're never the same -
how can they be?
Mine is a crippling isolation,
at the deep root of it all,
self-claimed, accepted,
and necessary. You can't relate
when you can't relate,
and when nobody cares.
You're stuck with thoughts
you can try and share
but know it will be meaningless,
because they don't relate
and they don't care.
So what becomes the point?
To see how far you can go
on the things that still seem to matter.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

Whenever this becomes relevant,
you will know, oh yes, you will
and you will realize how long
you didn't care, the sheer bedazzlement
of the numbers who didn't care
even though they should have known,
at some level, by some small degree,
that this stretches back three years
and nobody cared, not for all the time
it took to reach that point, and what
it took to reach this one.

And should I apologize?
I think that would be missing the point.